The High Cost of Conflict

One of the most costly conflicts I have had in my professional life occurred while serving as an Air Traffic Controller onboard the USS Dwight D. Eisenhower. I had joined the Navy late in life, which had offered its uniques challenges and benefits. With over ten years of professional experience under my belt I had a different outlook on learning than the traditional Sailor who joins up at 18-20 years of age. In light of my willingness to learn and be humble I advanced rather fast through the ranks.

Now, I had always held a distinct nature to serve my country. So, as I was carving out a rather successful career path I had my sights on becoming an officer in my rate. There were a certain number of "checks in the box" that I would have to attain while enlisted, and I felt I had the ability to accomplish these milestones. I never thought that some of these milestones would be completely in the hands of others and out of my control.

Air Traffic Controllers have relatively little sea time in the fleet. We have more land based control stations than carriers or amphibs. Therefore, we must accomplish a lot in a short amount of time at sea to "check the boxes" necessary to be considered seasoned and experienced. This involves training and qualifying on all the positions in CATCC (Carrier Air Traffic Control Center). We have a CATCC Training Chief who dictates who is training on what, and as a good manager he had laid out a good training plan before we departed for our second deployment. The CATCC Officer is responsible for having the final "say" on who trains and who becomes qualified. Our previous Division Officer was all about training and one heck of a controller. However, as is the case in the Navy, he moved on to another duty station and we acquired a new DIVO in his place. This is where the conflict begins.

Typically ATC Officers are prior enlisted and have the most experience to lead from the front. This new Officer had very little experience on a carrier, in fact she had only one minor qualification under her belt at sea in over 18 years of service. I would probably have been more than a little nervous had I found myself in her situation, but I would have relied on the experiences of my Chiefs and seasoned controllers. She did not. Instead of moving the team forward in qualifications she halted all training. This was the road block that effectively ended several promising careers... including mine.

There are only a few things we AC's held sacred... training and liberty. On this deployment we had very little of both. Our team began to implode and the wheels started to come off our program. Because of the actions of one person not allowing us to train and to qualify on position the costs of conflict started to rise.

There are four costs of conflict outlined in Stewart Levine's book Getting to Resolution: Turning Conflict into Collaboration. These are Direct, Productivity, Continuity, and Emotional Costs. All were present in my last deployment as a United States Sailor.

Levine also outlines 10 Principles of "New" Thinking that when employed can help turn conflict into collaboration. Looking back n this situation on the Ike I can see that had these 10 Principles been used I would probably still be in active duty and reflected back on a successful sea duty. Using leaven's principles I can outline how things might have been different.

1. Believing in abundance - Although our last deployment was a mere 5 months at sea we had ample opportunity to capitalize on flight times and training. Our original training program outlined the abundance of training time and we believed we had a workable plan.
2. Creating partnerships - Training is done under qualified supervision. We had to create a partnership of mentor/mentee to learn as much as we could from the seasoned controllers working with us.
3. Being creative - controlling is 75% procedure and 25% creativity. We worked in a creative environment and each run was seldom the same. We absolutely had a creative environment to work with.
4. Fostering sustainable collaboration - if we were't on position we were listening and learning, asking questions, and talking about situations. This type of collaboration could have watered many seeds and grown fully capable controllers.
5. Becoming open - where there is a deficiency there is a need. Had we fostered an open dialogue between those who needed answers and those who had the answers we could have reduced our collective learning curve dramatically and really maximized a short tour at sea.
6. Forming long-term collaboration - The Navy is a small community and AC's are a tight knit bunch. The friendships and professional relationships we could have formed would have had the potential to span years of collaboration.
7. Relying on feelings and intuition - with open communication we as a team could have been able to spot a potential conflict among us and resolve it. 
8. Disclosing information and feelings - had we had leadership that actually cared about our feelings and goals we would have been able to voice our concerns and found resolution.
9. learning throughout the resolution process - What we could have gained in knowledge and experience could have paved the road for many who followed behind. No one AC has seen it all, but together we have a wealth of experience.
10. Becoming responseAble - Had we been allowed to accomplish our goals our individual career paths would have been more in our hands.. We would have been responsible for our futures as Sailors and Air Traffic Controllers.

In hind-sight, had we adopted these principles of new thinking it would have changed our futures, mine for sure. The lessons I learned from Levine's Principles are valuable and enable me to confront conflict with a new frame. A frame of openness and collaboration. Turning conflict into resolution. It is easy to look back and dismiss the uncontrollable situations that helped me change careers and leave the Navy as "part of a larger plan for my life". I love where I am at now, and my family loves having Daddy home, but there is a part of me that wishes I could have reached my potential as an Air Traffic Controller for the United States Navy.

JP

Levine, S. (2009 ). Getting to resolution: Turning conflict into resolution. (2nd edition). Williston, VT: Berrett-Koehler Publishers

Protected Values in Decision-Making

As I have grown older and reflect on how my values have changed over the years I can see how things I held very dear to me before have given way to new values and concepts. I can probably pinpoint the exact time when my values started to change to when I discovered I was going to be a father. My life no longer was about me and my goals. My outlook on life changed as well as my core values.

There are certain beliefs and values that withstand life altering events. These are the True North to my moral compass. They make up my moral fiber, and I will not sacrifice these protected values. In my concept map  I noted three major core values of mine that I hold dear to my heart. These are my belief in God, protecting my family, and my love for my country. I place so much value in these ideals that the thought of altering them or sacrificing them is painful.

It seems that in today's world religion is on the front lines of political correctness and a very touchy subject. When I talk about my belief in God I am not referring to any religious context of the word. My belief is that there is a Higher Power than myself, and He revealed His message to us through many... ultimately sharing His plan for us through Jesus. This is a personal message for all those who have ears to hear and eyes to see. My values in God are not to be used as fodder for prejudice and injustice, therefore I keep them protected to me, my family, and select few others. When I have strayed from this core value and placed myself as the master of my fate I have always failed. Tough lessons to learn this way. However, the peace and fortune I have experienced by following this value of mine keeps me grounded and plugged in to a life of genuine service. For this reason I will not waver in sacrificing this value. There is no end to how far I will go to keep this value personal, fruitful, and protected.

The second value I talked about was my my family values. I don;t see too many great role models for families these days, so the ones I have encountered I follow closely. There are too many people that are misled by whatever reasons (broken home, no solid parental figures, etc) and may never reach their potential in this life. I don't want this for my family, and because of this I value how I raise my family. My wife and I are not perfect, but we love our children and are working hard to provide us with a life better than either of us had. The tricky part is doing so without raising two spoiled brats. There are right ways and wrong ways to doing things, and we try very hard to incorporate this into our children. I don't care what other influential people may say, we will raise our kids to be productive social citizens. This is a value we will not waver on.

My last core value I hold dear is my love of country. I am proud of being an American (and Texan for that matter). This does not mean I agree with how we are lead, our image in the world, or our political structure. What this does mean is I value the fabric that makes up our drive to be a leader in freedom, and willing to fight great odds to achieve this concept. I have had many thoughts of what I would do should I ever be faced with captivity abroad. Would I be strong enough to stand up and proudly say I am an American, or would I say I'm from Canada to save my hide? I hope I never have to test this meddle, but if I were to choose poorly I would probably regret it for the rest of my life. And for this reason I hold this value protected.

These protected values do make up who I am, and I imagine they do direct my decision making to a degree. However, I also believe that making the right decisions means looking at all the angles and framing decisions to maximize the outcomes. My values are just a part of the decision-making process. They keep me focused on what matters to me when faced with decisions. I feel blessed to have such conviction with my core values, as they keep me grounded and not walking around half-cocked. My belief in God, my family, and my country provide a solid foundation for me to view life through a wide frame, and I am prepared to protect these values with the highest sacrifice. Without them I guarantee I would make very poor decisions that would have far-reaching effects.

JP

Deception in Negotiations

One of the very first lessons I learned as a young green-pea car salesman was this...

"All buyers are liars!"

Not very encouraging words for starting out a new career in car sales. Coming into the auto-sales industry in 2003 I held the common misconception that all car guys were the shysters. What I learned was these assumptions were misunderstood battle wounds of an ongoing battle between getting a "good deal" on a car and making a profit for the dealership (which results in commission for the sales person). I can't help but think of how much time could have been saved, on both sides of the desk, if both parties cut out the deceptive negotiating tactics all together.

In defense of the car business I can state, as a season veteran of the sales floor, that most of all "lies" told in car negotiations are of omission. Both parties are trained to reveal only enough information to plead their case, and through the act of discovery we find there is a little wiggle room, or there is some more money in the budget. Now, there are some cases of lying by commission, but these are the exceptions and not the rule (especially with so much information on the Internet).

So, why do we feel we must "lie" to some degree in negotiations? Speaking in car-sales terms, it could be left over knee-jerk reactions from the unregulated years of pillaging consumers for shabby used cars decades ago. Maybe we feel we have to protect what we have for fear of losing it unjustly. I believe it is because trust is not the first pillar of negotiation and an established foundation is an afterthought in building relationships. If you boil down a car sale transaction we find a person with a need, a dealership with vehicles that can fill that need, and a person trained to facilitate the deal. My response to the repeated question of "am I getting a good deal" is this: If you like the car, and it fits in your budget, and you trust that the people involved have a genuine concern for your needs then yes... you got a good deal.

There are a few ways to guard against deception in negotiations. First and foremost... educate yourself. Know what you are getting in to and be prepared. Knowledge is the key to reducing deception, and knowing all the options prior to negotiations levels the playing field... especially when dealing with a professional (car buyer = novice. car salesman = professional). Second, spend some time building the relationship. The research is in folks... we would rather deal with a live, breathing, thinking person rather than a series of prompts or clicks to get what we want. Get to know who you are dealing with. I can usually tell fairly quickly if a person is genuine or not, if they are more focused on their position than mine, or if I can trust them.

Third, be honest. Honesty has an inherent risk associated with it. Honesty not returned can leave a person vulnerable, and that is no fun for anyone. However, I believe we will be more pleasantly surprised than disappointed when we share honesty with those we enter into negotiations with. Honesty is also closely tied in with trust (there's that word again). And lastly, be willing to concede some ground in order to make a deal. Fair negotiations might very well mean both sides win, and a win-win outcome is good for everyone. Find a common ground and come to an agreement. If the terms can't be met, and a win-win can't be achieved then it is 100% ok to find another solution elsewhere. I have seen too many "good deals" fall apart because the heels are dug in to tight to give a little and make a deal that works for both parties.

As a well-trained and successful salesman I can say that I have had my share of tough negotiations. Whether I am selling a $6,000 play system for someone's backyard, patio furniture, or a $100,000 Mercedes-Benz I have found that being friendly, honest, and sincerely listening for the need is the best way to solve problems. I also have been blessed with great mentors and upstanding individuals who have guided me to be a "professional" salesman. I have also learned to say "No" when need be. I sleep better at night knowing I helped someone and made a little profit than hurt someone and "killed the bear".

I think one of the main reasons I enjoy sales is building relationships. Negotiating is part of my environment, and by following these simple suggestions it can be a mutually rewarding venture.

JP

Reflections on Decision-Making

Ch. 8 of Wharton on Decision Making, written by Paul Shoemaker and J. Edward Russo, is about managing frames to make better decisions. We use frames knowingly and unknowingly to focus our attention on certain aspects of a problem, point of view, or situation. We enlighten specific attributes and block out others. We see life through our frames, and these frames help define our interpretations, expectations, and limitations.

The broader our frame the broader our view. It is easy to get tunnel visioned into a frame of thought or idea of how something should be. The authors state "Frames distort by imposing mental boundaries on options" (pg. 137). If we are limited by our frames then it is very possible to be blinded by our frames as well.

To exhibit good critical thinking concepts we must be aware of our frames, how they affect our perception, and the potential downsides to our limited points of view. We must also be cognizant to the fact that those we interact with have their established frames as well. Being unaware of our frames can be down right dangerous. To avoid falling into "framing traps" there are a few things we can do to open not only our own thoughts, but understand the frames of others we are in contact with.

First, you must be aware of your own frames. You can't manage what you can't see. The authors talk about conducting a frame audit and surfacing your frames. In other words, you need to know how you frame your thoughts, point of view, and understanding in order to know why you feel one way or another about situations. Taking into account your experiences and expectations can help you understand how you view things. For example, I joined the Navy at the ripe age of 31. It was a safe assumption that I had a much different and broad view of life than the average Sailor of 18 - 22 years of age. I had to take this into account when learning to work with superiors who were ten years my junior. They had experiences as a Sailor, and I had experiences as a professional. Where they may have not been able to understand my frame of thought I could understand theirs and adjust my tactics to be able to learn what I needed to learn.

Second, you must be willing to change your frames if they prove to be hindering your personal growth. It is useless to continue to view new situations through outdated frames of thought. You need to gauge if your frames are effective or not. I learned a valuable lesson many years ago from a VP in an advertising firm I worked for who said, "When making a decision ask yourself if it is a good thing, a bad, thing, a selfish thing, or a useless thing. If it is not a good thing you might want to double check your motives". I have used his lesson a thousand times when making decisions, and his advice always serves to take a second or third look at my problem.

Finally, master techniques for reframing. There are an infinite amount of choices when framing a problem. Compare alternatives, focus on the objective, identify all the constraints, and my favorite... ask for advice. If you are trying to solve a problem don't just use one frame to find a solution, use a couple to make sure you are making a sound decision. I use reframing a lot as a professional sales person. I tend to ask my clients several leading questions to discover their need and then I use several different frames to make sure I have honed in on the possible solution. This way I am more confident that I am providing the best service and products to meet my clients needs.

Using frames, more importantly knowing frames exist, has helped me be a better critical thinker. Complex decision-making require simplistic approaches through broad frames. Break down the complex into small, manageable parts and get to work one piece at a time. This is how I have learned to be an effective decision-maker. I also, try to flag myself if I become too reliant on a particular frame of thought or point of view. Taking the easy approach may not always be the best approach. I can honestly say that I have grown by the understanding of my frames and the frames of those I connect with. If we don;t agree, chances are good that we are not looking through the same frame. You never can tell how a person views a situation until you look at it from their particular point of view.

JP